CAssandra james, dei managerWe’ve all been there. You’re hanging out or you’re in a meeting and you say something that you just know will win over the crowd, except it doesn’t. Now this isn’t just a joke that fell flat, you have actually offended someone. The earth isn’t going to open up and swallow you whole, no matter how much you wish it would, so you have to face what you’ve done. I’m sure your first instinct is to say “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to”. That’s your intent, which is your motivation or purpose for your action or words. It’s personal to YOU. No one can see what your intent is, but they sure can see what your impact is. It can be an ego bruise to know that you caused someone pain or to become uncomfortable, so you try to deflect. “Oh, come on. You know me. You know that’s not what I meant”. “Wow. I never knew you were so sensitive.” “Sheesh, can’t joke with anyone anymore”. In this scenario you are more focused on your intent than the impact.
Story time. You and your coworker are at lunch. You reach across the table for the salt, but you accidentally knock over their coffee into their lap. Your intention was just to get the salt, but the impact was a burnt leg. Given that scenario, would it make sense to focus on your intent, or would you attend to the impact? Not all impacts are as noticeable as spilled coffee. It could be as subtle as an eye roll, or slight shift in the mood. No matter how big or small the impact, you’ll have to address it. You can start by trying to understand where the person is coming from. It could be a simple misunderstanding. Once you start the conversation, acknowledge your part in it, that your intent didn’t quite match your intended impact. Then follow up with an authentic, straightforward apology. What’s a straightforward apology? “I’m sorry that I hurt you. That wasn’t my intention, but I see where I was wrong”. What does an inauthentic apology look like; “well I’m sorry you feel that way”. Notice the difference? Which would you rather receive? Comments are closed.
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