Calling In versus Calling Out

cassandra james, dei manager

If you read last month’s newsletter, you remember the monthly DEI article was about Intent versus Impact. Now, what do you do after someone has said or done something where the impact is you’re offended. Do you call them in or call them out and what’s the difference? 
Let’s start with what they are.
Calling in is an invitation to a one-on-one or small group conversation to bring attention to an individual or group's harmful words or behavior, including bias, prejudice, microaggressions, and discrimination.

Calling out is bringing public attention to an individual, group, or organization's harmful words or behavior.
So, what does that look like?
Calling-in examples:

• “Can you say a bit more about what you mean by [insert statement, process, or word you want to understand]?” 
• “I appreciate your intent, and I’d like to talk about the impact this has on…” 
• “I can see where you’re coming from, and I don’t want us to…” 
• “Thanks for sharing your perspective on this topic. I want to revisit [insert word or statement] because …” 
• “You mentioned that we’ve been doing this process for a while, and it’s been successful which is great. I also wonder what we can do differently that can further support our diversity efforts? For example…”

Calling-out examples: 

• “I have to pause what’s happening right now because…” 
• “I need to share with you how I’m reacting to what was just shared”
• “As your colleague, it's important for me to name that what was just said is not okay” 
• “We need to unpack this a bit further because this can be very detrimental to…” 
• “I can’t continue to be in this meeting/gathering if we continue discussing [insert topic] this way” 
• “This is the [number of times] you’ve done this and it’s really harming our team dynamics/company culture” 

Whether you are calling in or calling out, this isn’t always done perfectly, and anyone can have a misstep. I still remember when in the middle of a staff meeting, I decided that calling out a friend was the best course of action. SPOILER ALERT: It wasn’t. She felt attacked and purposely misunderstood. I know she did because she emailed me after the meeting to let me know she didn’t appreciate being spoken to like that in front of the whole staff. Now because of our friendship, we were able to sit, speak and see where each other was coming from. Now it’s not always easy to smooth things over when calling out goes wrong. 

Now that instance of calling out didn’t go a planned, but that doesn’t mean there’ s no place for it. There are times when it’s warranted, such as when the behavior has to be stopped immediately for safety reasons, or if you’ve tried time and time again to call this person in.   
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Whether you are calling in or calling out, the importance thing is to bring attention to the behavior that you want stopped. You may not do it perfectly the first few times, but like any muscle, the more you use it, the stronger you’ll become.     

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